


Christmas in the Time of Pining

by TheMoonByNight



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: 'Swawesome Santa, Christmas Parties, Get Together, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:15:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5481242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMoonByNight/pseuds/TheMoonByNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Christmas right around the corner, Chowder has a lot on his plate- including a gift exchange and a hopeless crush on his best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas in the Time of Pining

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aisjustrunning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aisjustrunning/gifts).



> Merry Christmas!!! I really hope you like this, it kind of got out of (extremely out of) hand.

At 7:00 in the morning on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Hausgiving 2k15 began. Chowder woke up at around 7:30 because he had never managed to master the art of sleeping in. From what he could hear of the Haus, everything was quiet and not exactly woken up yet. SO he was shocked when he went downstairs for a morning cup of tea, he found Bitty already measuring out ingredients for pies and turkey and everything that went with Thanksgiving. 

“Uh, Bitty? Are you already cooking?” Chowder asked, standing in the doorway. He knew how Bitty got when he was stressed out and was in the kitchen. He wasn’t going to risk going in and disturbing him.

“Morning Chowder! And yes, I am already cooking, because hockey boys are crazy and have bottomless stomachs.” Chowder rubbed his head guiltily. Bitty was probably talking about Ransom and Holster (Chowder had never seen them in a situation where they were not eating or about to start eating something, except in practice) but he was probably guilty of eating everything and then still asking for seconds. 

“Do you need help with anything?” Chowder said, stepping forward into the kitchen. Bitty seemed normal enough. 

“Mmmm, not yet. There’s eggs on the stove- just don’t eat them all, they’re for everyone.” Bitty said, absentmindedly mixing something. Chowder nodded gratefully and flashed Bitty a smile before making a plate and getting his tea ready. 

He was quiet while he did so and he could hear the soft music he hadn’t heard from upstairs. It sounded like something from Sia but he wasn’t sure. It sounded familiar though and he hummed along as best as he could before sitting down at the table.  
Bitty started to chatter at him and he nodded and answered as best as he could with his mouth perpetually full. It was calm (unlike the Haus usually was) and Chowder felt good about the day. 

People started to filter downstairs at around 9, Lardo looking like she’d stayed up all night and Ransom and Holster looking like they were still half asleep. Chowder had started to help by then, after he’d showered, mixing what Bitty told him to, and defrosting this or that. He was no chef, but it was really calming to help someone make something. 

“So how is today supposed to go?” Ransom asked after getting his first coffee. He and Holster were wearing matching bunny slippers that Chowder had never noticed before. He wanted to giggle at the pink and white ears flopping on the floor but stopped himself.

“Well, I’m going to cook and everything.” Bitty paused and then smiled slowly. “And I know Jack and Shitty said they’d be here around 3.” 

Absolute uproar ensued- Holster immediately was yelling something about ‘keeping secrets from us’ and Lardo about ‘what an absolute little shit you are’. Chowder wanted to laugh at all of them but was just as excited as they were. Jack was coming back to visit and so was Shitty! He couldn’t believe Bitty had kept it a secret from them, but he was almost glad. It made the surprise that much better. 

The rest of the day started go by quickly- Lardo got roped into helping cook and Ransom and Holster were put to work setting up the table and the den. Bitty had a whole plan for what he wanted the Haus to look like for their own little celebration of Thanksgiving. 

Chowder had just started showing Bitty a recipe for cider his mother had showed him how to make when he was small. He’d gotten apples specifically for the occasion and was chopping them all up so they could boil them later. 

He and Bitty were singing along to Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You which had come on Pandora all on its own, (Chowder personally thought it was too early for all that, but the song was amazing and basically unskippable) when Nursey and Dex walked in the door. 

He could hear Ransom and Holster rough housing with Dex and making jabs at Nursey as they walked through the den. Nursey was still laughing at something they’d said when he walked in and Dex’s hair was all messed up. Chowder beamed at them over the cutting board and they walked over. 

“Hey Chowder.” Dex said, coming to look over his shoulder. “Are you guys making apple pie, or…?” 

“Nope!” Bitty said, popping the ‘p’. He smiled at Dex. “Chowder’s showing me how to make apple cider, actually.” Dex nodded and looked around at what they were doing, looking slightly confused. 

“So, uh, how exactly do you make apple cider?” he said. Nursey was standing next to him and looked equally interested, so Chowder turned to try to explain.

“Well, you cut up some apples and boil them with some spices- which are a secret by the way, so don’t ask, cause I’m doing that part- and then you strain it a few times. And viola. Apple cider.” Chowder said, his smile wide. “Why don’t y’all help?” 

And with that, he got Nursey and Dex to help too. He and Bitty made easy conversation while they cooked- this recipe was something familiar to him and Bitty was always more comfortable in the kitchen. Nursey and Dex took much longer and used a lot more effort to cut their shares- despite having turned it into a competition. Chowder laughed when he saw how hard they were concentrating but took the apples and put them into the pot with all the rest of the apples and his secret blend of spices. 

Zach and Blake, the new frogs, (Chowder was still a little weirded out about someone else being a Frog now) arrived around that time and each went to help in different ways. Blake went to help Ransom and Holster move the new table up from the basement and Zach helped Bitty with the turkey. 

Chowder stirred the apples while the kitchen buzzed with noise. It wasn’t exactly loud, but it wasn’t quiet either. Bitty and Lardo were talking about the best things their mothers had made for Thanksgiving and Nursey and Dex were having a light hearted argument about something having to do with relatives coming over. Only Chowder and Zach weren’t talking.

Zach was making a collard greens, since he’d finished helping with the turkey.Chowder had never had them before, but he’d been assured by Nursey, and Zach, at least, that they were good. (Ransom had maintained how disgusting they were).Chowder was stirring his apples on the stove. The kitchen was actually calm for once and Chowder and Zach were just humming along with some song, when Chowder heard a familiar click in the door. He turned around to see everyone else looking up too. 

Almost everyone was taking off toward the door in the split second between them hearing the sound and all looking at each other. Lardo was the first out of the kitchen, almost sliding across the floor as she ran to the front door. Chowder wasn’t far behind her or the crowd of people and he came out just in time to see her tackling Shitty. 

He hoped Shitty wasn’t holding anything because he went down almost immediately. But Chowder could hear him laughing amid Lardo’s steady stream of profanities that was punctuated by “Jesus Christ”’s and “Shits I can’t believe you,” so Chowder just assumed that he was okay. On the other side of the entrance away from the commotion that was Shitty and Lardo, Jack was ruffling Dex’s head. He had an arm slung over Bitty’s shoulder and was saying something to him that made him laugh. Chowder smiled widely and went over to get his own hug from Jack.

After everyone had gotten their greetings and hugs in, Bitty ushered everyone to the tables he’d had Ransom and Holster set up earlier. It was two picnic tables pushed together, with an almost maroon tablecloth spread over it. It wasn’t long before the food was brought out and everyone was gathered around it.

The dinner itself was kind of quiet, since everyone was so busy stuffing their faces. Chowder had at least 2 plates of just macaroni, and he saw Ransom have at least 1 whole plate of just sweet potato pie. Everyone ate until the absolutely couldn’t anymore and would probably need to be rolled back to their rooms.

“You’re too good to us, Bits.” Shitty moaned, his head resting on the table.

“I know.” Bitty said sweetly, picking up plates and taking them into the kitchen. Chowder sighed, feeling entirely too heavy to be doing anything. He still stood and started to help gather food and plates. Leaving the whole mess to Bitty wasn’t fair. 

Bitty shot him a quick smile when he set the plates in the sink and went back to rinsing off the dishes. Chowder, having done what he felt was his duty, went and sat heavily in a chair at the kitchen table. He laid his head on the table and half registered people coming in and out of the kitchen. Jack came and sat at the table, and was followed by Dex not long after.

Chowder could hear Bitty laughing at something Jack had said and could half see him stirring the filling of whatever pie he was making now. Bitty was always making something when he was in the kitchen. He was a lot more relaxed than he’d been earlier, since the dinner was over and everyone was settled. Chowder smiled a bit himself and bounced his knee as the conversation flowed around him. The Haus really felt like home in moments like this.

“Chowder, did you hear me?” Dex said, interrupting Chowder’s internal monologue. Chowder turned to face him, slightly embarrassed about missing him talking to him. 

“No, sorry! What’s up?” he said, smiling sheepishly. Dex never smiled as widely as Chowder did, but his smile was still pronounced when he looked at Chowder. 

“I asked if you wanted something to drink, cause I’m getting up. I think there’s still some of that pumpkin cocktail Bitty made earlier. Probably none of your cider if Ransom and Holster have anything to do with it.” Chowder laughed and then nodded and Dex smiled at him one more time before getting up. 

Chowder watched as he walked away, a small more comfortable smile playing across his face. He was just starting to tune back into Bitty and Jack’s conversation (it was really sweet how Jack had come down for Thanksgiving, it was no problem Bitty, really) when he heard the chair scrape next to him. He turned to face them. 

“Hey C.” Nursey said, leaning back in his chair. He looked like the epitome of chill, with his arms folded over his chest and his posture completely open. His legs were open and he was leaning toward Chowder as if he had not a care in the world. Chowder glanced away, his face heating up for no reason at all. 

“Hey Nursey!” He said trying to forget that thought. He glanced back at Nursey who was sipping at what looked like the cider Chowder had made earlier. Bitty had set the pitcher of it on the table and Chowder hadn’t seen it since. 

“This stuff is really good, you know. What exactly did you put in this?” Nursey said, taking another long sip. Chowder smiled wider and mimed zipping his lips. Family secrets were family secrets, after all. 

“Man you suck.” Nursey said teasingly. “If you won’t tell me, you’ll just have to come over and make some for me.” Chowder smiled and opened his mouth to respond when Dex walked up with two glasses in his hand. 

“Nurse, move, you took my seat.” Dex said, handing Chowder his drink. Chowder gave him a fleeting smile before glancing between the two of them. They’d been doing so much better lately, Chowder had even thought they’d been getting closer.  
“Chill Dex, it’s just a seat.” Nursey said, sticking his tongue out. Chowder looked back at Dex who just sighed. 

“Whatever.” He grabbed the chair from next to Jack and then put it on the side in between Nursey and Chowder, so they formed a semicircle. Chowder grinned at both of them and took a sip of the pumpkin cocktail. It was just as amazing as when he’d first tried it earlier and immediately took another sip. 

“I love the holidays.” Nursey said after a moment of comfortable silence. He put his now finished cup of cider on the table and stretched with his arms above his head. His shirt pulled up so that you could see the strip of skin where his stomach ended and his lower body began. Chowder immediately looked up, feeling his face warm and glanced at Dex.

Dex was turning a fierce shade of red, his freckles starting to blend into his skin. So Chowder hadn’t been the only one looking.  
“What time is it?” Dex said. Chowder couldn’t tell if his voice really sounded off or if Chowder was just looking for it because he’d seen him blush. He had always had an active imagination. 

“Around 8:30.” Jack said from across the table. Bitty jumped up at that and looked down at his phone. 

“Oh dammit, I meant to start doing Secret Santa 15 minutes ago.” Bitty said, rushing across the kitchen and to the refrigerator. He reached up and grabbed for the hockey helmet sitting there and then gestured to all of them sitting at the table.

“Come along y’all we’ve got Secret Santa to do.” Everyone got up and made their way out of the kitchen and into the den. Ransom and Holster were sitting on the couch, Holster’s legs on Ransom’s lap. Lardo was taking up the entire arm chair and looked like she was dozing off, with Shitty on the floor at her feet. The mood in the den was quiet and relaxed and Chowder felt bad to break that up.

“Get up y’all we’re doing Secret Santa!” Bitty said. “I’m gonna make some more cocktails in a minute if y’all get up.” That got everyone up and moving. A collective moan still went up and Chowder laughed. The naps that you took after Thanksgiving dinner were always the best. 

After everyone was up and alert, (and Bitty had made more pumpkin cocktails for everyone) Bitty put the hockey helmet he’d gotten from the top of the fridge onto the table. Chowder was really excited to do a Haus-wide Secret Santa- Bitty had made it sound really fun and Chowder always loved giving gifts. It was fulfilling in a way. 

“Alright, so before we pick here are the rules.” Bitty said. “Nothing too expensive, and don’t tell your person who you are until after the gifts have been received. Which is in like a month, so you should have plenty of time to shop around for your present.” Bitty smiled as he said it and then clapped his hands together. “Me first!”

Chowder watched as he reached into the helmet that was full of paper and pulled out one. He nodded solemnly when he glanced at the name and then gestured for Lardo to go next, since she was sitting next to him. 

Chowder watched as she, and then everyone else, pulled out names. He’d been sitting closer to Bitty on the opposite side and ended up going more towards the end. He was abruptly nervous when it got closer and closer to his turn. What if he got someone something they didn’t like? What if he didn’t even know what to get them? 

Nursey went before Chowder and smiled a bit as he looked at the name. Chowder took a deep breath and reached his hand in. He was getting nervous for no reason. It was just a present giving thing, not a competition or something like that.  
He looked at the swirly handwriting on the little card he’d pulled out and say ‘Dex’. Chowder wanted to cheer. Dex was his best friend- getting a gift for him wouldn’t be hard. he smiled widely at Nursey who shot him a smile back. Only Blake, one of the new Frogs (Chowder was still so weirded out by someone else being a Frog that wasn’t him, Dex or Nursey) had to go after Chowder and soon after that, the little gathering dissolved into individual conversations. 

“Who’d you get?” Chowder said eagerly, scooting closer to Nursey. They were both sitting on the floor and Chowder pulled his knees up under his chin. 

“It’s a secret.” Nursey said, still smiling. Chowder pouted and leaned forward some. “Pleaseee?”

“Nope.” Nursey said, popping the ‘p’. “This Thanksgiving was really great, right?” Nursye said, leaning his head back onto the couch. He popped his hands as he said it and stretched out his limbs. 

“It was.” Chowder said, leaning his head on his shoulder. Someone (probably Bitty) had turned on the little lamp by the TV and Nursey’s face looked like a rich gold in the light. He had closed his eyes after Chowder has responded and now Chowder could see exactly where his eyelashes rested on his cheekbones. 

“You falling asleep, Nursey?” Dex said, walking over and dropping himself onto the couch. Nursey’s head got jostled because of the shifting of the couch cushion but he remained where he was with his eyes closed. 

“I’m not asleep. I’m just feeling the moment.” He said after Dex had settled himself in the cushions. Dex was sitting in the space between them and Chowder smiled again, happy that the three of them could have quiet moments not punctuated by sharp remarks and arguments. He leaned his side into the couch and wrapped his arms around his legs.

A few moments went by in silence, and Chowder was in that happy place between awake and asleep. His eyes were half closed and with his full stomach and good mood, he fell right asleep. 

The next few days went by slowly for Chowder. He helped Bitty do some cleaning around the Haus, and took his last few exams before the break. He also hung out with Dex and Nursey a lot- going for coffee, grocery shopping, and studying. 

But it wasn’t until they were a few days into December that Chowder realized he hadn’t thought about what gift he was going to get Dex for the Secret Santa. He’d thought it was going to be easy at first and then he’d realized he had no idea what stuff Dex liked that Chowder could get for him. He didn’t know how to bring it up without being obvious about it. 

He brought it up to Nursey one day when they were studying in the library. Nursey had his head bent over his reading and Chowder was “doing his homework” when it hit him that he could ask Nursey.

“Hey.” Chowder said conspiratorially. Nursey looked up, his eyebrow raised. Chowder had always wanted to be able to do that, and had even practiced it in the mirror for whole 2 months in the seventh grade. Not that he would ever admit that to someone. But that was off subject. He wanted to talk about Christmas. 

“Well I was thinking about my Secret Santa and realized I have no idea what to get them. Nursey set his book on the table and closed it, looking thoughtful. 

“Well who is it?” 

“Uhmmm, it’s Dex.”

“Ohhhh.” Nursey said, nodding in understanding. “He would be hard to shop for.” Nursey tapped his pencil on the table as he thought. He hummed a little bit, which made Chowder glance at his throat. He looked away.

“Well you could take him to the campus Christmas market and casually ask him about gifts there. It wouldn’t make him suspicious.” Nursey said finally, looking smug that he’d thought of something. Chowder thought it was a great idea- besides the fact that he could get Dex to talk about what he wanted for Christmas, he would also get a chance to go to a Christmas market.

“Okay! That sounds like a good plan.” Chowder said beaming. “Where is it, though? I’ve only heard a few things about it, not where it’s at.” 

“Oh well, I could show you. We could all meet up when you take Dex.” Nursey said. He was smiling but something about his face looked almost nervous. Chowder dismissed it as him reading too much into things. They were all going to hang out and it wasn’t right for Chowder to push this “thing” that he’d been feeling lately onto Nursey. 

“Sure!” Chowder said smiling. They talked about a few details, like when and where they were going to meet, while Chowder texted Dex the invitation. Nursey thought a Saturday, around 2 would be good and Chowder agreed. Dex didn’t take that long to answer when he’d gotten all the details. His answer was yes (Chowder would’ve honestly been surprised if he’d gotten a no) and Nursey and Chowder went back to studying. 

But Chowder could barely focus on his work, he was so excited. Going to a Christmas market with his two best friends in the world was going to be fun. 

When Saturday finally rolled around, it was actually snowing. Being from California, Chowder didn’t have a lot of experience with snow so he was elated to get to go out and enjoy the weather. Dex and Nursey weren’t as excited when they met up at Dex’s dorm room.

“It it’s not going to stick what the point of snow?” Nursey said, his voice perilously close to a whine. He was sitting on Dex’s bed next to Chowder, waiting for Dex to get his shoes on. “Now it’s just going to be wet and gross outside.”

“You’re just looking on the bad side of things- it looks amazing outside. I can’t believe you don’t like the snow.” Chowder, glancing behind him at the window. It wasn’t much of a view, since all you could see was the next building, but the snow still swirled prettily outside the window. Dex made a noncommittal noise as he stood up from where he’d been tying his shoes on the floor. 

“Are you guys ready to go?” He grabbed his keys off his desk and gestured to the door. Chowder stood up eagerly and followed him outside. Nursey eventually took charge, since he was the one who knew where the Christmas market was, and lead them to it. Once they got there, Chowder was amazed. He’d been expecting a few booths and some strung up lights. But whoever had organized the event had gone all out.

There were strung up lights, but so much more than he’d expected. Whoever organized the event had gotten each stall to be connected to at least one other with a strand of lights. The stalls were much more organized than he’d thought they’d be although the area wasn’t a lot larger than he’d anticipated. Despite that, he would probably be able to do some Christmas shopping here, instead of just getting a few trinkets like he’d expected. 

“Wow.” Chowder said looking around. Out of the corner of his eye, Chowder could see Nursey’s smug. It was probably because Dex looked almost impressed as he looked around. The first few stalls they had were tiny, and only selling little trinkets. But the third one they passed looked interesting- Chowder could see someone smelling what looked like little wooden balls.

“Hey, let’s check those out!” He said, gesturing to the stand. Nursey and Dex both looked where he pointed and followed him to the stall. 

“What is that, anyway?” Dex said once they’d reach the counter. Chowder shrugged as he looked up at the wares the stall had to offer. He hadn’t realized that the stalls were set up high enough that he had to crane his neck. 

“Hello! And how are you all today?” The presumed owner of the stall said warmly. She had just finished with her other customer and had come over to greet them. Chowder smiled at her and then waved a hand at all her stuff. 

“Hello! We were just wondering what all this is.” Chowder said, trying to be polite. He paused and thought about how to form his next question. “I thought I saw someone smelling wood?” She laughed once he’d gotten his question out and picked up one of the bowls off the counter. 

“You did! Here take one of these and smell it- they were soaked in a fragrance and now work something like potpourri.” She held the bowl toward the three of them and they each took one. Dex and Nursey both looked at him, Dex’s nose wrinkled and Nursey just looking apprehensive. Chowder sighed and brought his wooden ball to his nose and inhaled. 

“This one is peppermint, right?” He said, looking up at the women. She smiled and nodded at him and he glanced at Dex and Nursey. They were smelling theirs now that he had done it. Chowder rolled his eyes and turned back to the women. 

“Are there any other scents?” He asked the lady. The peppermint wasn’t bad, but if he got a few for his mother, like he was thinking about, then it wouldn’t be the scent he chose. The sales woman smiled and brought over a different bowl from the other side of the counter. 

“I let you try the peppermint, but we’ve got a package that’s really popular this time of year. It’s an apple pie blend.” Chowder took the offered bowl and smelled it. He was honestly a little surprised they’d gotten wooden balls to smell so much like something Bitty had just put in the oven. 

“You guys should smell this!” Chowder said, turning to face Nursey and Dex. They looked kind of awkward, just standing off to the side, so he offered them the bowl. When even they agreed that it smelled almost as good as Bitty’s pies, Chowder got the package deal. The lady even wrapped up the little box for him and sent them on their way with a smile.

“It’s super cold today. I should’ve brought my scarf.” Chowder said. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his Sharks hoodie so they could stay warm, but the rest of his body had no such luck. He shivered and leaned closer to Dex. 

“You’ve got to get actual winter stuff, C.” he said, laughing. “Like an actual jacket- or maybe even a hat.” Dex ruffled his hair and bumped him playfully with his shoulder. “We are at a Christmas market- I bet you could find a Santa hat.”

“I actually used to have a Santa hat.” Nursey said thoughtfully. “It was warmer than a lot of the other hats I have now.”

“That sounds really cool! I don’t think I’ve ever even owned my own hat before.” Chowder said. Both Dex and Nursey looked at him like they were about to laugh and he immediately backtracked. He could sense them about to start chirping him. 

“It’s not like I’ve never worn a hat before- my dad used to have a bunch of them. I just never got one for myself cause I just didn’t need it.” He said quickly. Despite that, they both still laughed at him while they walked. Chowder kept up a steady stream of chatter after they’d finished laughing until Nursey cut him off. 

“I’ve gotta.. go use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” He said, flashing a smile at Chowder and Dex and then walking off. Dex rolled his eyes as they watched him disappear around a corner. 

“What do you want to look at next?” He asked, now looking at Chowder. Chowder shrugged. The only reason he’d wanted to come here had been to secretly ask Dex what he wanted for Christmas. Letting him decide where they should go next seemed like the best choice to get his question answered. 

“Well we could just walk around until then.” Dex said. Chowder nodded but internally groaned. So much for Dex just leading him to what he wanted. 

“Have you done the coding homework yet?” Dex asked as they started to walk down a new row of stalls. 

“No I have not. I forgot we even had homework.” Chowder said almost moaning. He was going to have to work on it all day Sunday. He groaned and tipped his head back toward the sky. 

“Dude, Professor Atwell said it like 4 times yesterday. And she gave it to us on like Wednesday.” Dex said, laughing at him. Chowder scowled and gave his Dex his best glare (which wasn’t all that great, but it was all Chowder had).

“Don’t go all responsible student on me. Have you finished it?” Chowder asked accusingly. Dex looked sheepish as he rubbed his head. 

“I haven’t finished it, but I’ve started on it.”

“Then you can’t go and make me look bad!” Chowder said, turning and pointing at Dex. Dex laughed and put up his hands like he was surrendering. 

“Okay, okay.” he said, a full smile on his face. Chowder smiled back, his face hot. It wasn't like Dex never smiled but it was a rare enough occurrence that Chowder felt almost blindsided by it. He decided to file it away for later to think about. Now was not the time to wonder why he was getting so worked up over seeing one of his best friends smile.

“How about I help you with it?” Dex said, putting his hands and looking away. “We could, um, meet tomorrow and work on it together.” 

Chowder’s eyes were already on Dex but now he actually searched his face. Dex wasn't looking at him, rather off to the left instead. His face was slightly more red than normal but Chowder wasn't sure he'd call it a full fledged blush. He looked nervous.  
“That sounds cool! We could meet at the Haus?” Chowder said, biting his lip. He really wanted to ask why Dex had looked so nervous, but Dex had already looked uncomfortable enough. Besides, Chowder already felt like he had some idea of the cause. It was filed away with the way he’d felt when Dex had smiled. 

Dex looked back at him and nodded, another smile (not the full-watt one from earlier, but a more subdued, relaxed one) playing on his face. Chowder smiled back and then looked at his feet. 

They kept walking until they spotted Nursey walking towards them. He had his hands shoved into his pockets and his scarf pulled up to cover his mouth. It was a little colder since they’d first gotten to the Christmas market and it was still snowing, but Chowder suspected Nursey had just pulled up the scarf for aesthetic purposes. 

He heard Dex snort besides him as Nursey caught up with them. He had a paper bag in his hand and was swinging to back and forth as he walked closer.

“What did you buy?” Dex asked casually as they fell into into step together. Chowder was only half paying attention and let them talk- he was more focused on the way the lights twinkled against the slowly darkening sky. 

“It’s none of your business.” Nursey said, sticking out his tongue. Dex playfully bumped his shoulder with Nursey shoulders. It made Chowder grin and feel pleased in a way he didn’t want to examine, the fact that they could get along so well. 

“Don’t you guys just love Christmas and all the stuff that comes with it?” he said, putting himself in the middle and draping his arms over their shoulders.

“Yeah, I love this season.” Nursey said. “ I went to an actual German Christmas market once and they had this thing called damp-Dampfnudeln. It was like steamed dough in vanilla sauce.” 

“You went to Germany?” Chowder asked. He’d never been overseas but going had always sounded really fun and kind of cool. It figured that Nursey had done it before. 

“Yeah. It wasn’t that big of a deal.” Nursey said, sounding nonchalant about it. Chowder rolled his eyes but Dex spoke up.  
“No big deal going overseas? I’ve never heard you say anything more rich kid in my life.” Dex said, sounding half annoyed, half exasperated. 

“Listen here, Pointdexter-”

“I wonder if they have some of that stuff here, it actually sounded pretty good.” Chowder interrupted. He wasn’t in the mood for them arguing, and gave them both a look.

“It kind of does.” Dex said. “I guess.” Chowder bumped his hip into Dex’s and made a face at him. 

“Let’s go look for it!” Chowder said cheerfully. They kept walking toward what Chowder hoped was the food section, if the smell was anything to go by.

They made it to the food stalls after just a few minutes of walking. Dex and Nursey had moved onto something else to bicker about in that short time.

“-opening three presents early is way more fun.” De said folding his arms. 

“Whatever dude,” Nursey said. “When you’re find the pickle you get an extra present.” Dex rolled his eyes and Chowder realized he’d completely forgotten the reason Nursey had suggested they come here.

“What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten?” He interrupted again. “Oh, whoops sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt! I just thought of that and blurted it out.”

“You’re fine Chowder.” Dex said. He thought about it before answering Chowder’s question. “I think the best gift I’ve ever gotten was when my brother got me this stuffed animal before he deployed- it was dog because our parents wouldn’t let us get one. It meant a lot to me.” A half smile was on his face. He looked like he was lost in thought, so Chowder assumed it was a good memory. 

“I didn’t know you’re brother was in the military! I’m finding out all kinds of things today.” Chowder said. Dex had never really talked about his family before- although Chowder had never really asked. 

“Yeah, Pointdexter. What’s he like?” Nursey asked. Dex looked up into the snowing sky, stopping. They were standing in front of the stalls and Dex made quite the picture since he was framed by the sky. But there was something about his expression that had shifted from content to something like sad. 

“Well I remember we used to play fight a lot,” Dex said slowly. “But he was also really cool- once he picked me up and we ditched school to go get some ice cream and see a movie.” His smile was bittersweet and Chowder felt something settle in his stomach.

“Was?” He asked, hesitant. Chowder see Nursey’s face out of the corner of his eye and he looked exactly how Chowder felt- morbidly curious.

“Yeah, uh, he died in Iraq a few years ago.” Dex swallowed as he said it and looked anywhere but at Chowder and Nursey. Chowder bit his lip and tried to think of something to say. 

“I’m so sorry.” Chowder finally said. Nursey had opened his mouth, presumably to say something similar, but he closed it.  
Chowder shifted on his feet a second and reached out to grab Dex’s hand. He knew it was a risky move, but he didn’t know what else to do to take that look off Dex’s face. 

“It’s fine.” Dex said. He didn’t look down at their twined hands, but he squeezed Chowder’s hand. They continued to walk down the path the stalls made, and it wasn’t long before Chowder was reaching for nursey’s hand as well. The moment felt like it belonged to all three of them and Chowder didn't want to leave Nursey out. 

They walked in silence until they reached a stall that boasted about having the best hot chocolate you’ll ever have. It was still snowing and Chowder was more than a little freezing so he steered them closer. 

“Do you guys want to get something?” he asked, voice quiet. Nursey and Dex both murmured something like a yes and Chowder pulled them forward and into the line. It wasn’t exactly a short line, so they stood there for a few minutes, hands linked. When they reached the front of the line and Chowder had started to order the drinks, Dex pulled away. Nursey pulled his hand out of Chowder’s not long after and he faltered in giving the size of the drinks. He’d forgotten to be embarrassed while they were holding hands, and now it all rushed to him with the sting of them pulling away. 

“Here you are!” the saleslady said. Chowder collected himself and smiled her and took the three drinks. He turned around to move out of the way and face Dex and Nursey. They each took a drink from his hands and Chowder smiled at them. He’d had to grab the drinks anyway, so he told himself it wasn’t a big deal they’d pulled away. 

“Do you wanna sit?” Dex said, gesturing to the little tables around the back of the stall. 

“Sure!” Chowder said, following him to the tables. There weren’t chairs, but rather benches, so Chowder slid into his seat carefully to avoid spilling his drink. 

Dex took a seat across from him and Nursey sat down next to Chowder. When he settled, his leg was nearly flush with Chowder’s. Chowder could feel his face warming and something flutter in his chest like when Dex had smiled at him. Chowder again didn’t want to examine the feeling to much but he knew what a crush felt like- and both of those flutters fit the bill. He bit his lip again and focused back on the conversation Dex and Nursey were having. He could think about all of those feelings later. 

"My parents got me this Jack Skellington plushie when I was like 12, ‘cause I used to be obsessed with the Nightmare Before Christmas. I still have it in my room.” Nursey was saying. He was half laughing when he said it. CHowder must have missed them starting a conversation about gifts- or stuffed animals. 

“What about you Chowder?” Dex asked, leaning forward on his hands. Chowder still had no idea what they were talking about.

“Um, what?” he said. Nursey laughed at him and knocked their shoulders together. Chowder looked away and pretended that didn’t make his heart beat harder.

“We were talking about stuffed animals. Did you ever have one?” Nursey asked. Chowder nodded and smiled.

“ Yeah, actually. It was a stuffed shark from the San Francisco aquarium” Chowder hadn’t even finished speaking before Dex was snorting out a laugh. Nursey joined him and Chowder scowled (it probably wasn’t very convincing but they understood his point).

“You would have a shark for a stuffed animal.” Dex said. Chowder started to laugh despite his attempts to keep himself neutral and quickly schooled his expression into something more stern. 

“Leave me alone, I used to want to be a marine biologist.” Chowder said. He picked up the hot chocolate he’d been nursing and took a long sip. It was still really hot even though Chowder had left it sitting on the table for a while. Dex and Nursey continued to chirp him. He laughed at some of their better attempts and even retaliated a few times. The three of them say there for a while, and despite being cold, Chowder felt more happy than ever. 

They didn’t stay much longer at the Christmas Market. There wasn’t a lot more to see and Chowder was kind of starving anyway. He hadn’t gotten anything for Dex yet, but his stomach was demanding some kind of substantial food. 

“Do you guys want to head back to the Haus?” Chowder asked. “I’m sure Bitty made something to eat.” Dex and Nursey both agreed and they all started the walk back. They made it to the Haus fairly quickly- there was no time for dilly dallying when Chowder was cold enough that his fingers felt they were about to fall off. He’d never regretted not buying “New england winter” coat so much.

Eating didn’t take long either and it felt like only seconds had gone by when Chowder was waving Nursey and Dex goodbye Chowder didn’t think about them again until that night. When he closed his eyes, he could still see was the brightness of the Dex’s eyes and feel the phantom pressure of Nursey’s leg pressed against his. 

He had a crush on Dex and Nursey. His two best friends in the world, the ones he would do anything for. Chowder put his hands over his eyes and pressed down hard. he need advice- he had to talk to Bitty.

Chowder didn’t get a chance to do that until after class on Monday. He’d hung out with Dex on Sunday and the feeling had gotten even worse. He was almost bursting with the need to tell someone.

So on Monday afternoon (because both he and Bitty had free time right after lunch time where not a lot of people were in the Haus) Chowder decided to go talk to Bitty. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to get advice without getting chirped. 

“Bitty?” he said, poking his head into the kitchen. Bitty was mixing something (per usual) and singing along to something playing from his phone. He stopped when he heard Chowder and turned to face him.

“Whatcha need, sweetheart?” Bitty said. Chowder ducked all the way into the kitchen and took a seat at the table. He squirmed in his seat a second before he opened his mouth.

“I was wondering if you could give me some advice?” Chowder said, looking down at the table. Bitty didn’t stop what he was doing, but he did turn down the music some. 

“With what?” Bitty said. He leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. Chowder looked at the table again before he spoke. 

“Well…it’s about Dex and Nursey.” Chowder said, shifting in his seat. Bitty frowned and then turned around to grab mugs from the cabinet. Chowder wasn’t sure if he was thankful for Bitty noticing he was distressed enough to need hot chocolate from the Keurig, or bad because he was that transparent. 

It took a few minutes for Bitty to make the drinks so Chowder waited until Bitty came to the table to talk. When he did walk over, Bitty handed him a mug of hot chocolate and then sat down across from him. Chowder took a sip of his drink and tried to figure out how to word what he wanted to say.

“Well...I wanted to talk to you because I'm confused?” Chowder said, biting his lip. “I think I might have a crush on Dec and Nursey.” Bitty’s eyes went wide as he registered what Chowder had just admitted. Before he had the chance to speak though, Chowder started to talk again.

“Like we went to the Christmas market on Saturday and they would smile at me and I'd get that fluttery feeling in my chest-that's what crusheds have always been like for me. And we also all held hands and-” he said, rambling. He was scared of what Bitty was going to say, but couldn't stop himself from talking. Bitty interrupted him though and gave him a hesitant smile before he started to talk. 

“Okay, so what I got from that is that you like Dex and Nursery.” Chowder nodded mutely. “Okay. Is like a you can't choose thing? Or is it not a separate thing?” 

Chowder hesitated before answering. He knew what Bitty meant but he also didn't know how to answer the question. How did you even describe having crushes on two people that weren’t entirely separate feelings? 

“I don't think it's a separate thing?? It's just… like when I hang out with one of them, I get like a flutter in my chest, but it's the best when all three of us are hanging out.” Chowder said. Bitty had his hands cupped around his mug and nodded at him. Chowder waited for him to say something, but he just hummed and took a sip of his drink. 

“Okay, so. I personally have never had a crush like that.” Chowder felt his face fall, and he looked down. So much for getting advice. he was going to have to figure out what to do on his own.

“But! I have heard of things like that. I think it’s called poly-polyamory? I know I’ve heard Shitty mention it.” Bitty said. Chowder immediately perked up again and watched as Bitty set down his mug.

“I’ll be honest with you- I’m no expert on all this stuff. But I’ll do my best to help you.” Bitty said seriously. Chowder smiled widely at him and nodded. 

“Okay! Well, um, I guess the main thing I wanted to ask you was how I’m supposed to talk about that with them?” Chowder bit his lip before continuing. “Like I’m positive I like both them, I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do about that.”  
Bitty nodded and hummed, which Chowder took to mean he was thinking. Chowder waited for Bitty to gather his thoughts, but still bounced his knee under the table. He hadn’t had a crush in a while and he’d forgotten how stressful it was. 

“Well, I mean the first start to doing anything would be to tell them how you feel. What do you want out of the relationship? With what I’ve heard Shitty say- and this is just in passing so don’t take this as Bible, I’m guessing it could be all three of you dating each other?” Bitty said. Chowder took a sip of his hot chocolate to give himself a moment to think.

“I guess that sounds like what I want. I mean, I just. Isn’t that a weird thing to just come out and say to them? What if they don’t even like me back? Or wanna do something like that?” Chowder said, biting his lip. 

“Well Chowder, worrying about getting rejected is apart of all crushes.” Bitty said gently. “But we could look up some stuff about polyamory if that would help.” Chowder nodded eagerly and got out his phone.

“Should I just look up polyamory? Or should I be more specific?” he asked. 

“I think just polyamory is fine.” Bitty said. He was looking on his phone too and Chowder flashed him a quick smile. He looked back down at his phone and clicked on the first link. So the search began. 

He and Bitty both looked through the sites Google popped up, with Bitty mentioning some tips he read out loud (and finishing up whatever he’d been baking when Chowder had come into the kitchen) and Chowder saving links and things he’d like to remember in the notes on his phone. After maybe an hour, Chowder got frustrated with the lack of help on getting started with a relationship. 

“All of this stuff is how to navigate a relationship. I need help on how to get there.” Chowder said, half grumbling, half whining. He put his head down on his arms and spoke again. 

“I don’t even know why I’m doing this, I have no idea if they even like me- or each other for that matter.” Chowder said. He wasn’t speaking loudly but it seemed to echo in the cavern his arms made. he sighed and felt the warm air on his sleeve.

“Well you guys have been getting along better this year.” Bitty said. “I’ve never really thought of the three of you together before, but now that I am, I can picture it.” Chowder looked up as Bitty continued to talk, although his head was still resting on his arms.  
“Dex and Nursey have really calmed down this year- although Lord knows they still bicker like an old married couple. But I don’t think you should give up just yet.” He said, smiling at Chowder. 

“Yeah. Thanks Bitty.” Chowder said, smiling at Bitty in return. Bitty stood up and then reached forward to take Chowder’s now-empty mug. Just as he scooted out his chair, Lardo walked in the kitchen.

She was paint streaked, with her hair sticking every direction and the bags under her eyes looking darker than ever. She slumped into the chair next to Chowder and let out her own ginormous sigh. 

“Art project?” Chowder asked hesitantly.

“You have no idea.” She said, her voice more than a little exhausted. Bitty clicked his tongue and walked over to the counter. He put the mugs in the sink and immediately got another out of the cabinet. He pressed a button on the Keurig and then turned back towards them.

“Coffee or hot chocolate?” he said. Lardo hesitated a moment before answering, chewing on her lip as she thought. 

“Hot chocolate please.” she said. Bitty nodded and got out the hot chocolate mix. He rejoined them at the table with Lardo’s cup of hot chocolate and a plate of brownies. Chowder immediately started digging in while Lardo and Bitty struck up a conversation about the party Ransom and Holster were throwing. 

“They came and asked me if Friday night was good a little earlier. I guess it's going to be big if they’re asking about dates this far in advance.” Lardo said. Bitty laughed at that, since it was was true. The parties Ransom and Holster threw were mostly spontaneous except for the bigger ones. 

“Well it’ll be a Christmas party and those are always fun.” Bitty said. “I wonder if I should make some gingerbread houses… I saw this recipe on Pintrest of these gingerbread drinks that looked kind of good.” Chowder let Lardo and Bitty talk about what they should do for the party and let his thoughts drift.

Parties were always really fun- and Dex and Nursey were almost certainly going to be there. The party might have be the perfect opportunity for Chowder to tell them how he felt. He was good at putting something off unless he had a deadline so make him do something. If he decided to tell Dex and Nursey at the party, he’d have the whole week to psyche himself up to do it.  
With that thought in his mind, Chowder focused back on the conversation Lardo and Bitty were having. He was kind of nervous about it, but he knew he’d feel worse if he didn’t get how he was feeling off his chest. And besides. He had the whole week to figure out how he wanted to go about telling Dex and Nursey. 

Time seemed to speed up towards the Christmas party the more Chowder dreaded it. He started out the week optimistic, but as he approached Friday he got more and more nervous. Whenever he thought about talking with Dex and Nursey, it made him want to throw up. But his deadline was still the party and if Chowder didn't do it then, then he was never going to do it.  
Chowder met up with Dex and Nursey about an hour after the party started on Friday night. They weren’t really talking about much, more listening to the music and half dancing. 

“Let’s play a game.” Nursey said suddenly, stopping the swaying he’d been doing. Chowder stopped to, stepping a little closer so he could hear him over the music.

“What kind of game?” Dex asked. he was sipping at a beer and his face was already kind of flushed. Chowder waited for Nursey to answer and took a sip of the cup of water he’d gotten (he didn’t want to get drunk when he had something he wanted to say to them).

“Like every time someone yells something Christmas-y we have to drink.” Nursye said grinning. Chowder frowned but before he could speak Dex spoke up. 

“That doesn’t sound horrible.”

“Guys, I don’t think I’m gonna drink tonight.” Chowder said, wondering if now was the time he was going to have to tell Dex and Nursey he liked them. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. 

“Oh. Well that’s fine I guess.” Nursey said. He looked kind of puzzled but he didn’t ask why Chowder wasn’t drinking.  
“Yeah. Nursey and I can just play.” Dex said, smiling at Chowder. He bumped his shoulder against Nursey’s and then reached out to pull Chowder under his arm. “At least one of us will be sober.”

Chowder laughed at that and felt his face heating up. Chowder loved hanging out with Dex and Nursey during Haus parties. They always had so much fun, and Chowder wouldn’t give it up for anything. And here he was, potentially messing everything up. Chowder sucked in a breath and finished the rest of the water in his cup. 

“Hey guys, I’m going to go get some-” Chowder started. But he was interrupted by someone in the crowd- probably Holster, knowing him, yelling about drinking for Santa. 

Nursey laughed loudly when he heard it and tipped his head back to down his drink. Chowder could feel Dex silently laughing as he drank from his cup too. He extracted himself from under Dex’s arm, suddenly feeling to close to Dex and Nursey. 

“I’m going to go get some more water, guys!” Chowder said, smiling at both of them before walking into the crowd. He felt bad for just walking away like that, but he’d just needed a second to himself before he told Dex and Nursey about his feelings.  
Chowder’s feet led him to the kitchen and he got himself some water to give himself something to do. There was pie sitting on the counter, so Chowder grabbed a piece and sat down to it. he knew he was procrastinating, but he didn’t want to go back out just yet. He just needed a break. 

“Is this pie up for grabs?” someone said, startling Chowder. He’d been staring off into space and hadn’t noticed the girl walk in. She was wearing ripped up tights and a black and white Christmas sweater, with dark makeup and a pixie cut. She didn’t match her bubblegum voice at all.

“Um, yeah, I guess.” Chowder said, glancing at her face and then back down to his pie. He’d have to go back out there soon. He groaned under his breath and started to gather up[ his plate when the girl plopped down next to him, digging right into her pie. 

“God, this is amazing.” she said, almost moaning. “You look to upset for someone who just ate pie this good.” Chowder glanced sharply at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. Had he really looked worried enough that some stranger had noticed? 

“Uh. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” he said. The girl rolled her eyes and finally looked up at him. 

“Well duh. But this is a party, you’re here to have a good time!” She said. She reached out and punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about whatever it you're worrying about. Have fun!” she said. 

The girl got up with her plate (she’d finished the pie in record time, Chowder hadn’t even noticed her finishing it) and set it in the sink. She walked towards the door and winked at him before walking out of the kitchen door. 

“That was weird.” he said to himself. Chowder sighed and got up to put his own plate in the sink. He’d had his moment to prepare himself. Now he had to suck it up and just do it. 

Chowder walked out of the kitchen after refilling his glass of water. He got stopped up by a few people who wanted to have conversations and started to finally make his way back to where he’d left Dex and Nursey after a brief conversation with a girl wearing an ugly Christmas sweater. 

Chowder looked pulled out his phone and checked the time. It was nearly midnight and Chowder was only getting more nervous. He kept walking and pushed through the crowd. It took a few minutes, but he eventually spotted a familiar red head by the stairs. He took a deep breath and walked forward.

When he was finally within a distance that he could actually see Dex, he realized Dex was backed up against a wall by someone else. He took another step forward, despite the burning feeling in his chest at the site of Dex with someone else, and realized that the person wrapped around Dex was Nursey. 

Chowder stopped short and stared for what was probably too long. The burning feeling (which he now registered as jealously) had dissipated but the shock had not. Dex and Nursey were wrapped around each other against a wall and, from what Chowder could see, making out. They were honest to God kissing in the middle of a Haus party where everyone could see them. And Chowder wanted to join them. 

He felt himself blush and then turned on his heel to push back through the crowd. He was much more eager to get through than he’d been just a few seconds ago and pushed past people without bothering to say excuse me. He felt bad about it, but the need to leave that area had overwhelmed any politeness. 

That had been their private moment and he should not have even thought of intruding on it, even if he felt like walking over and joining them. Especially because he felt like walking over and joining them.

Chowder had reached the edge of the makeshift dance floor by then and made his way to the door. He pushed it open and walked right into a cloud of smoke. He coughed and looked up to see Lardo sitting on the porch railing, smoking up with the girl from earlier. 

“Hey. C.” she said, her voice mellow in the way it always was when she smoked. The girl flashed him a smile and he nodded to both of them

“Hey.” Chowder said, trying for cheerful and falling woefully short. He smiled to cover it up and plopped himself down on the Haus steps. When he’d rushed out he’d forgotten his room was up the stairs and behind Dex and Nursey. 

“Dude. What’s wrong?” Lardo said after a moment of silence. Chowder winced-he’d been hoping they’d forget he was there, and shrugged. 

“I just… I’m not sure what to do.” he said. Lardo looked him over critically and he shifted under her gaze. 

“Is there something we can help you with?” she asked, sounding unsure. Chowder shook his head and she sighed. 

“Alright. Well we’re still gonna,” She paused and gestured to the blunt in her hand. “Okay?” Chowder nodded at her and then leaned to the side against the porch railing. 

The street lights were on and they cut through the darkness like lighthouses. Chowder rested his arms on his legs and his head on his arms. He was feeling kinda floaty and kind of tired which he guessed was because he was getting a contact high. He didn’t mind the feeling and sat there for a what felt like forever, letting Lardo and the girl’s conversation wash over him. 

It felt like hours later when Lardo started to tug on him to get up and follow her into the Haus. As they walked through the den, Chowder noticed that most of the people had left. He absently assumed it was because it was very late, and said as much to Lardo. She laughed at him and once they’d gotten up the stairs, pushed him into his room and shut the door. 

“Goodnight, C.” she said, her voice almost a whisper. Chowder murmured a ‘goodnight’ back and crawled into bed not long after that. He fell asleep quickly and didn’t dream. 

The next day, Chowder woke up well rested and in a good mood. It wasn’t until he was downstairs eating pancakes that he remembered last night. He stopped chewing and stared down at his plate as he thought about Dex and Nursey kissing against the wall. 

As the thoughts about what he was going to do now swirled around his head, he started to eat his pancakes again. he ate them slowly, not at all the pace of before, and Bitty, who had been feeding a hungover Ransom and Holster and a not at all hungover Lardo, noticed. 

“You alright?” Bitty asked him. Chowder blew a strand of hair out of his face and thought about how to phrase everything going on in his head without actually saying any of it. 

“Nothing. I’m just thinking about what I’m going to do this weekend.” He said. That wasn’t a lie either- he had been thinking about if he was going to be able to talk to Dex and Nursey this weekend.

“Oh, alright then.” Bitty said, smiling at him, before taking his plate off the table. Chowder smiled at him and then got up to go back to his room. He had a bunch of homework due on Monday that he needed to get started on.

He spent the rest of Saturday working on his homework and doing readings. Normally he did something with Dex or Nursey on Saturdays, or procrastinated by hanging out downstairs, so getting all of his work done in one go was out of the norm.  
He thought about texting one or both of them a few times but decided against it. What would he say? “Hey, I saw you guys making out and I just wanted to let you know I have feelings for both of you!” Chowder couldn’t come up with anything remotely okay to say to them, so he said nothing. 

The rest of his weekend was more of the same stuff. He cleaned up his entire room (and the bathroom), which he normally waited to do, because he had nothing else to do. And he still didn’t text Dex or Nursey- and they didn’t text him.

On Monday morning, the team had practice. Chowder got to Faber around the same time as the rest of the team, and got ready slowly. Dex came in around the same time, with an expression like a thunder cloud. Nursey was noticeably absent. Chowder wondered if they had gotten into a fight already and what that meant for him. 

The moment he thought it, he looked down at his feet. He was being so selfish- his friends being okay was ultimately more important than some crush he had. Chowder let the normal Monday chatter about how exhausted everyone was wash over him and tried to think of a way to approach Dex. 

“Hey-” Chowder started when nearly everyone had left the room. Just then, Nursey burst into the room, looking wind blown and hastily put together. Dex and Chowder stared for a moment, before Dex turned around and walked purposely out of the room. Chowder stared after him and then glanced back at Nursey, who was rushing to get ready. Nursey didn’t seem to notice him, so Chowder turned and walked out. 

In the following days, Chowder barely spoke 10 words to Dex and Nursey combined. Both of them seemed to be avoiding each other and places the other would be, which also included Chowder. Chowder found himself spending more and more time in his room, besides the times he was out looking for Dex’s Secret Santa present. He still hadn’t figured out what to get him yet, and was in an even worse situation to be able to find out. 

When he got home from shopping on Wednesday (with nothing to show for it), he stomped his way into the kitchen and grabbed a slice of pie from the counter. Bitty always had something like comfort food ready and waiting on the counter. 

“Chowder, are you alright?” Bitty asked him, turning around from the sink. Chowder took another bite of his peach pie before answering.

“I’m fine, I’m just so frustrated because I can’t find a gift for my stupid Secret Santa and I’ve been looking everywhere at everything but I can’t find and thing and I can’t even ask him because I think he’s avoiding me.” he said in a rush. It took him another bite of pie to realize he’d admitted more than he wanted to. 

“Wait, forget about that last part.” he said quickly. But he could see from Bitty’s frown and the determined way his jaw was set that he wasn’t just going to “forget about it”.

“Whose avoiding you? Why?” Bitty said, coming to sit across from Chowder. Chowder remembered the last time he and Bitty had sat down and talked at the table and what a disaster his decision there had been. 

“Well you said don’t tell anyone our Secret Santa-” Chowder said, trying to get out of talking about it. Bitty just rolled his eyes. 

“I already know it’s not me so you can tell me.” he said impatiently. Chowder sighed and then set down his fork.

“Well I got Dex.”

“And why is he avoiding you?” Bitty said, his stern expression shifting into something more concerned.

“Well,” Chowder hesitated. Should he be telling all of Nursey and Dex’s business? It was clear something wasn’t working out and he didn’t want to spread it if they didn’t want it spread. 

“Do you promise you won’t tell anyone?” Chowder asked. Bitty nodded and held up two fingers. 

“Scouts honor. What happened?”

“Well, at the Haus party I saw Dex and Nursey kissing. And ever since they’ve been avoiding each other and I guess me because I’m always with both of them.” Chowder said, sounding miserable. “I didn’t get the chance to tell them about my crush but now I don’t think I’m going to be able to.”

“Oh.” Bitty said quietly, looking down at his clasped hands. He thought about his answer for a moment while Chowder got more jittery. What if even Bitty thought he should give up on telling Dex and Nursey? It was one thing to think it yourself, but another to have someone else confirm it. 

“Okay, well. I’ve got to be honest with you Chowder.” Bitty said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. Chowder bit his lip and waited for him to continue. “I kind of already knew about the kiss.”

Chowder’s whole thought process stopped completely. Bitty already knew? Had he seen them at the party? That seemed kind of unlikely because if other people would’ve seen they would’ve made a big deal about it. Had someone else told him?

“I don’t want to break… the person’s who told me’s trust, so I won’t tell you which one told me or what exactly was said, but I know that they’re confused. From my understanding, they were both kind of drunk and now that they’re both clear headed things are more confusing and they actually have to face the music and think about what kissing means.” Bitty said. 

Chowder took all that in slowly. Not only were they all apparently (or at least whoever it was that had talked to Bitty) confiding in Bitty, it seemed like they were all equally confused. Chowder wanted to take solace in that, except for the fact that it wasn’t going to change their situation. 

Chowder huffed out a breath as Bitty got up to finish cooking whatever it was he was making. Chowder didn’t even bother to keep up anymore. He slumped down and rested his head on his arms. 

“I just don’t know when or how I’m going to talk to them. Or what I’m going to get for the gift exchange.” Chowder said glumly. Bitty clucked at him but didn’t turn around from the stove. 

“You could always corner them at the party.” Bitty said after a moment. “I know they feel really awkward about everything and want to avoid each other, but they will most certainly not be skipping out on dinner.” Chowder half smiled at the way Bitty said ‘certainly’. He sounded just like a stern mother. 

“Alright. But what about the exchange? Dex is so minimal- he never really talks about stuff he wants.” Chowder said, almost whining. 

“Doesn’t he like video games? There have got to be some new ones coming out that he’d really like.” Bitty said. Chowder sat up quickly when he heard ‘new’.

“Thanks Bitty!” Chowder said, pulling on his hoodie over his head. Bitty called out a goodbye as he raced out of the door and towards the nearest bus stop. Chowder had to get to the nearest mall. He’d just had to the best idea for a gift. 

The day of the gift exchange took forever to come around. Everyone had their last finals to get through and that put everyone on edge. But the day did come, and it started off much like Thanksgiving. 

Chowder woke up early again but didn’t immediately go downstairs. He hadn’t finished putting Dex’s gift into it’s bag yet and took his time doing that first. After he’d made it as good as he thought it was going to get, he got ready for the day and made his way downstairs. 

Most of the other Haus inhabitants were already there when he got to the kitchen and were helping to cook. Chowder was immediately handed a bowl to stir and a list of tasks to complete by Bitty.

The rest of the morning and afternoon went by like that, with a short break for brunch. Other people started to arrive around then and also assist with cooking. Chowder watched (while pretending to not watch) Dex assist Bitty with a pie and Nursey get told to go help someone with something. The three of them stayed mostly out of each other’s way while they cooked.

Around four o’clock, Chowder paused in stirring whatever it was Bitty had handed him not to long ago and looked around the kitchen. Ransom and Holster were fussing over the Turkey Bitty had entrusted them with and Lardo was peeling peaches. Dex was helping her (noticeably only looking at his hands), while Nursey stood on the other side of the kitchen stirring something in a bowl. Everything looked mostly done with only finishing touches left to do. But Dex and Nursery…they looked like they had a lot of unsaid business left to finish. 

Chowder sighed and blew a stray strand of hair out of his face. He had no idea about what exactly was going on between them, but it was obvious how awkward things were. Chowder knew he acted like a kid sometimes, but it looked like in terms of expressing his feelings he was going to have to be the grown up.

The new frogs (tadpoles?) came in not much later, carrying their Secret Santa gifts. Chowder’s gift for Dex was in a bag upstairs in his room. He was going to bring out down later, when they actually got to the gift exchange. Seeing their bags reminded him that he didn't actually know when they were going to do the exchange.

“Hey Bitty?” Chowder asked. 

“Hm?”

“When are we doing the Secret Santa?” 

“After dinner! Which will be soon, so y'all to wash up!” Bitty said, taking the bowl from Chowder. Ransom and Holster whooped in unison (Chowder had gotten the impression they hadn't eaten all day in preparation) and raced each other to the sink. 

Everyone else trailed behind them or went to another sink in the Haus. Chowder waited in the kitchen for the sink and took a deep breath as he thought about Dex and Nursey. He was already nervous about talking to them and the dinner hadn't even really started yet. Chowder stepped up to wash his hands and put them out of his mind. He had to get through this dinner and then he could focus on Dex and Nursey.

Chowder was the last one to wash his hands at the kitchen sink, but the others who'd gone elsewhere in the Haus hadn't all come back yet. So he, along with Zach the tadpole (he'd figured calling him that was better than frog), got roped into helping set the table for Bitty. By the time they had finished everyone had come back to the table and were ready to sit down and eat.  
Chowder sat down towards the head of the table, coincidentally next to Dex and across from Nursey. He pointedly did not acknowledge the awkwardness of their silence and Talked to Holster instead. 

“You've never seen 13 Going On 30?!” Holster said, sounding completely exasperated. He set his utensils down before continuing. “Like I know it's Christmastime and we should be talking about those movies? But bro, that movie is a classic and you gotta see it.” 

Chowder laughed and let Holster rant as he finished his mashed potatoes (which were frankly amazing, not that Chowder had doubted Bitty or anything). He most certainly did not listen in on Nursey’s conversation with Ransom about what he was doing over break, or to Dex’s stilted conversation with with Bitty and Lardo about the pie he'd helped make. 

Chowder let Holster tell him about the movie (which he only vaguely remembered as something his sister had liked) until Bitty clapped his hands together and Called for everyone's attention. 

“Okay, since everyone basically done eating u thought we could start Secret Santas!” he said. Everyone murmured their agreements and Bitt beamed at them all. “Alright then. Everyone go and bring your presents to the den.” Bitty said.

Chowder dutifully went upstairs and grabbed his gift for Dex. He looked at it as he made his way back downstairs and sincerely hoped Dex would like the game and the scarf. He’d kind of thrown in the scarf, but the he’d thought the blue color would really suite Dex. Chowder joined everyone else in the den be sat down on the floor quickly; he was the last one to come back. 

“I guess we could give them in order or just give them to each other.” Bitty said, holding a medium sized package in his hands. “What do you guys think?” 

“Let's just give them to each other. It'll be easier be easier that way.” Holster said, sounding impatient. Bitty shrugged and everyone took that as their cue to start giving gifts.

Chowder stood and took the two steps needed to reach Dex, who was trying to get Bitty’s attention. 

“Merry Christmas, Dex!” Chowder said, holding out the gift so Dex had no choice but to notice it. He turned and took the bag with mild surprise.

“I had no idea you were my Secret Santa. I would've thought you'd be more obvious about it.” Dex said, managing to look amused and vaguely uncomfortable at the same time. Chowder sighed internally. 

“I guess you thought wrong, huh?” Chowder said playfully. Dex grinned at him before getting started on opening his presents and Chowder felt his heart flutter a little. 

“Is this...is this the new Silver Venice game?” Dex said, sounding a little reverent. “It only just came out and it's super popular- and hard to get.” 

“I must've gotten lucky then.” Chowder said, shrugging. The day Bitty had suggested Chowder get a game, Chowder had rushed to the mall to stand in line for an hour to get the game. The series was really popular and Chowder had been extremely lucky to get one. Dex narrowed his eyes but kept looking through the bag. He pulled out the scarf. 

“This is really nice, Chowder, and super warm. It's just funny you could find appropriate winter gear for my but not for yourself.” Dex said half laughing. Chowder smiled before making his expression more neutral. He'd missed the easy conversation between them.

“Haha, very fun-” Chowder started sarcastically, trying to cover up the fondness he felt welling up for Dex just then. He was interrupted by Nursey clearing his roar and wordlessly holding out a bag. Chowder gasped and took the bag. 

“Nursey you've been holding out on me!” Chowder said, making Nursey laugh. He reached into the bag and pulled out a red santa hat- just like he’d said he’d wanted at the Christmas market. He laughed out loud, smiled at Nursey. Dex shifted in the corner of Chowder’s eye and he turned to face him.

“Um, I'll, um, go. Thanks for-” he said, Chowder cut him off. 

“Actually, could I talk with both of you? Upstairs, please?” Chowder try to say it in a tone similar to Bitty’s no argument voice. He guessed it worked when they both followed him without complaint.

Once they reached his room, Chowder closed the door behind them with the click. It was silent for what felt like eternity until Chowder gathered his thoughts. 

“I saw you two. At the Haus party.” he said, hands shoved deep into his pocket and eyes trained on the ground. Despite that he still saw Dex’s face go white out of the corner of his eye and heard Nursey suck a breath.

“And I…” Chowder paused, trying to contain this fear that suddenly gripped him. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I saw you guys kiss and all I could think about was joining you because I've had a crush on both of you for-well it feels like it's been forever but I only just realized it when we went shopping at the Christmas market and I know you guys like each other and or something but I really wanted to get this off my chest, I'm sorry. Sorry.” Chowder said letting himself ramble since no one was stopping him. He looked back at them after second sentence and took in their expressions.

Dex had gone utterly white and every freckle stood out in stark relief against his skin. He looked like he’d swallowed a lemon whole and was choking on it. Nursey’s expression wasn't that different. The only difference was the way his eyes were widened. He looked almost like a cartoon character. 

As Chowder took in their expressions he felt his face screw up like he was going to cry. And he supposed he was. He'd just admitted he liked both of his best friends and neither one of them had said anything.

“Uh. Um, well, I-” Chowder said, blinking fast and looking anywhere but at the two of them. He made he was going to turn around and finally, finally one of them spoke. 

“Wait, Chowder.” Dex said, stepping forward to grab Chowder’s arm. “I, um, I also really like both of you. When Nursey and I kissed, I freaked out because I still really liked-like- you and it just felt weird.”

Now the color had returned to his face, and in full force. His blush was cherry red and extended well down his neck. Chowder felt a smile starting to tug at his mouth. He blinked even harder to get rid of the tears that had collected and then looked shyly at Nursey. 

Nursey had a crooked smile on his face and took a step forward towards Dex and Chowder. Dex had shifted his grip on Chowder’s wrist so that they were something like holding hands, but Chowder barely noticed with how intensely he was searching Nursey’s face.

“I guess it's a relief that I like you both too, huh.” he said. Chowder let out a breathy laugh and felt himself deflate a little. He'd been so worried about their reaction and all that built up tension felt like it had just disappeared. 

“So… how does this all work? Are we-are we dating?” Dex said awkwardly. Nursey shrugged and Chowder shifted on his feet.  
“I actually, um, did some did a little research. If we are dating then it be considered polyamory, which is like a regular relationship except for three people and very good communication- not that regular couples don't have good communication, but-” Chowder said.

“We get it, C.” Nursey said, a smile playing across his features. He laced his fingers through Chowder’s and looked at both him and Dex.

“I'm glad you're crazy enough about us to do research.” Nursey said, making chowder duck his head and blush. Dex bumped his shoulder with his own and laughed.

 

Later on they all piled on Chowder’s bed all curled around each other. It was a small twin bed but they still made it work. They all had their legs and fingers tangled together, with everyone having at least one arm curled around them. Chowder was in the middle and had had his head resting on Nursey’s chest for a while when he spoke again. 

“I really really like you guys.” Chowder said into the silence.

“We both really really like you too.” Dex said. Both he and Nursey flashed Chowder nearly identical smiles. He could barely make them out in the growing darkness.

“Yeah.” Chowder said, and smiled back.

**Author's Note:**

> I completely made up the game Chowder got for Dex, it was the first name I came up with. And just as a side-note, the working title for this fic was "Chowder is my sweet son and everyone Stan Pines for one another". This is also completely unbeta'd- I will be going over it more later but all mistakes are completely on me!


End file.
